All a bit of bad timing, really.

Back in June I was all optimistic about my ability to blog, to record life and get out of my head.

That clearly hasn't happened, for a number of reasons, which can be summed up as "a bit of bad timing".

1. I've been studying 2 nights a week at TAFE. While this has done wonders for my confidence in my knowledge on sustainability in business, it's wreaked havoc on my social interactions
2. Gladesville is lovely, but so far away from those I hold near and dear. Visiting friends involves two trips on a form of public tranport, as we do not yet have a car that can be used for such activities. Score 1 for environmental sustainability, score 0 for social sustainability.
3. Work is... intense. There has been little time to pause and regroup since I started back in February. This has included managing a needlessly stressful project with a tight monthyl deadline. All of this combined with a construction site beside my office window means I come home tired and vague and unable to connect with anything.

Sometime back in January I realised I was suffering from emotional burnout:

"Being burned out means feeling empty, devoid of motivation, and beyond caring."

"Symptoms include low self-esteem, self-doubt, insecurity, compulsive worrying, self-induced stress and a general sense of helplessness. Together, these symptoms needlessly consume the individual’s emotional power at a rate that, many times, exceeds the psyche’s ability to replenish it."

"Emotional exhaustion is the experience of feeling drained of all energy or all used up. When people begin to experience emotional exhaustion they may try to reduce the emotional stress of working with other people by detaching from others. They commonly begin to maintain an emotional distance from others."

Which has compounded the above bad timing. Or perhaps the bad timing has compounded my seeming inability to recover from the burn-out. It's taking all my energy to deal with work and TAFE, with any remainder being put into home and relationship. Leaving no energy time and energy to do the things that will help heal the burnout (relaxed social gatherings with good friends, for instance)

The good news is that TAFE classes will soon be over, which means I can resume my regular Tuesday night sewing and chat circle. The weather has warmed up and there's more daylight in general which always improves my mood.

And I am giving myself permission to be a bit more relaxed at work. Sometimes my sanity and work life will imporve if I take a little time to contemplate life and reach out to friends.